#30DaysofPride Day 11

#30DaysofPride Day 11

I am participating in a 30 Days of Pride Challenge and thought that these stories might be an inspiration to you whether you fall somewhere on the rainbow, or just want to live your life more authentically.

I have only had one great love of my life so far.

Sure, I have dated many, I even had a ceremony in West Palm Beach in a desperate attempt to keep my then-boyfriend DJ.

But the one that will always linger is Edward.

We met in a little bar that all my friends worked at so I would get plastered for $5. I had looked at some houses in the area and was talking to my friend about them when he mentioned he was putting his house on the market the next day.

 We got to talking and I went to see the place. It was beautiful but out of my price range. (little did I know that I would live in that house for 3 years)

Eddie was a cosmetologist and probably the best colorist in Michigan so when he heard I was doing a charity drag show he offered to do my hair and make-up.

That week was amazing- he was warm, funny, an amazing singer and we truly bonded over Adam Lambert on American Idol.

We went on our first date the following week(it was the day before Easter that year) and he had sent over a little Easter basket.

He encouraged me to go back to school. I helped him finish his licensing, and together we built a beautiful home but there was always something not quite right.

For much of our relationship, I worked in a corporate restaurant forty to sixty hours a week. Our schedules were opposite, so it hid the fact that throughout our relationship he was doing drugs.

When I did find out, we tried to get him help. I had started my own company by then and I actually needed him to pull his weight with the bills. The more I needed him, the more he turned to drugs and alcohol until, in the end, I couldn’t take it anymore.

His family tried to help him but you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to change.

This week marks the first anniversary of his death.

 Even though we had been separated for a few years by the time he passed, it is still devastating. I spent many hours in Al-anon so that I don’t blame myself.

Ultimately, he made his decisions. That doesn’t change the fact that I miss him.

One of the biggest things that I learned from the situation is that numbing yourself doesn’t change anything.

You can’t keep burying the bad stuff.

Shit happens, some of it horrible shit but there are ways to deal with them that allows for you to be free.

There is always hope!

You are loved!

Jeff

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