#30DaysofPride Day 18

#30DaysofPride Day 18

I am participating in a 30 Days of Pride Challenge and thought that these stories might be an inspiration to you whether you fall somewhere on the rainbow, or just want to live your life more authentically.

My little sister posted this the other day and I swear it felt like someone punched me in the gut.


It was hard to breathe.


It brought me back to after my brain surgery in 1997.

Looking back, it was probably the best thing that ever happened for me because had I not had the surgery, I wouldn’t have necessarily learned computers.

After my surgery, I couldn’t read black text on white paper, nor could I watch TV or go outside during the day because of my extreme photosensitivity.


At that time, you could lock browser colors to override what others had created allowing me to do things in lower contrast which allowed me to interact with people through the interwebs.


One of the people I had interacted with was a guy named Devon. We had talked for a couple months about this and that. At the time, my mother was still adjusting to the fact that I was gay and we didn’t have the relationship we have now.


Basically, it was don’t ask don’t tell, but I lived in her house because of the surgery which caused some tension to say the least.


Devon was 17 at the time (I wasn’t much older) and after we had talked for about three months had decided to come out to his parents.


They didn’t take it well and kicked him out of their house.


He went to stay with a friend and all seemed like it was coming together when all of a sudden no one heard from him.


It later came out that he had committed suicide.


Around the same time, a guy who was in my rehabilitation program had also committed suicide.


I can’t say that I was in the best headspace either. My traumatic brain injury had me wondering why I was alive, why I could never seem to be happy.


Luckily, I am still here. Devon is just the first of many that aren’t.


Look, there is always hope and I understand that shit really sucks sometimes. If you are even considering hurting yourself or you just need someone to talk to call 800-273-8255.

You are loved!

Jeff

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